Love Finds You in Valentine, Nebraska Page 17

  She moved closer to him and laid her hand on his arm. Tears stung her eyes as she looked up at him. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to be a burden to you. If you want me to, I’ll go back to California tomorrow.”

  He captured her hand in his, held it to his lips, and kissed her fingers. “I didn’t say I wanted you to go. If I had my druthers, you’d never leave Nebraska. You were made for this country, Kennedy, and it was a cruel string of circumstances that kept you from enjoying your birthright. You do what you want to do, and if you stay, I’ll do whatever I can to protect you.”

  Her throat was too tight for words, and she nodded. In an effort to break the tension of the moment, she cleared her throat. “Don’t worry about me tomorrow. I’ll spend most of the day at your office. Or I could go with you to the auction if I had an invitation,” she said hopefully.

  “Not this time,” Derek said, and his disappointment was obvious in his voice. “Joel is going with me to help drive. Besides, it will be a long day.”

  “Okay—just thought I’d ask.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  When Kennedy arrived at the ranch office the next morning, she opened her e-mail first. She didn’t anticipate a lot of mail, for she and her closest friends communicated by phone more than on the Internet. She scrolled through the inbox, noting several messages from Steve Martin, and she smiled wryly. Since she’d been in Nebraska she’d hardly thought about him, and she wasn’t eager to read his messages. No doubt he’d noted on his list of “to-do” items, “Write Kennedy every Friday.” Steve was very methodical, even in his courtship.

  She scanned his messages. They were lengthy, writing about his experiences. At the end of each message, he wrote, “Love, Steve.” Steve’s life was pretty much cut-and-dried. Although she hadn’t bothered to analyze him before, she suddenly realized how self-centered he was. It was all about him and his activities. Did she want a lifetime of that?

  On the last message, he had written, I had expected to have a post from you before now. Don’t forget, I’m looking forward to your “answer” when I get back in September.

  Kennedy’s hands hesitated briefly over the keyboard before she hit the Reply tab and typed a message.

  Dear Steve:

  I’m pleased that your journey has met all your expectations. This is the first time I’ve checked my mail for several days.

  On impulse, on the first of May, I decided to come to Nebraska to check out the family property here. We’re trying to get Dad’s estate settled, and I wanted to see the ranch where I was born. I didn’t expect to stay long, but I’ve learned to love the area and have stayed on. I’m living in the home my Blaine great-grandfather built more than a century ago. I’m not sure when I’ll return to California.

  Kennedy left the post unfinished and walked around the office. One of Derek’s hats hung on a hook behind the door. A pair of work boots leaned against the filing cabinet. A framed picture of June and a man, whom she presumed to be Derek’s father, occupied a prominent place on his neat desk. A collage of photos hung on the wall, and a signature and date on the matting indicated that June had given it to Derek for Christmas three years ago. Each picture was labeled.

  There were no baby pictures, of course, but Kennedy assumed that June’s collection portrayed Derek’s life after they’d adopted him. She had mounted a few of his elementary school photos. In the large center picture Derek stood proudly, holding the reins of his first horse. In another photo he posed in his football uniform.

  Kennedy saw his high school and college graduation pictures. Another picture showed him holding Wilson as a pup. In another pose, Derek leaned against the corral fence in his everyday clothes, looking exactly as he had the first time she’d seen him.

  Kennedy sat in a lounge chair that looked practically new, one she figured June had bought to entice Derek to exchange it for his father’s well-worn chair in the living room area. She sensed Derek’s presence so keenly that she felt as if his arms held her as his chair did.

  Closing her eyes, Kennedy prayed quietly. God, my life seemed so well-ordered until six months ago. Since then, I’ve had to make one decision after another.

  Right now, I’m probably facing the greatest decision of my life since the day I accepted Jesus as my Savior. Is it right for me to keep Steve dangling when I know my own heart? Should I tell him now that I won’t marry him or wait until I return to California? In this environment, my former life seems unimportant and far away. But when I return to California, will I forget Nebraska and settle easily into my previous schedule? Please, let me know what I should do.

  She stood, walked to the wide window, and looked out over the Circle Cross rangeland. Several scenarios passed through her mind—scenes of the past and what the future might hold. She had seldom thought of Steve after he’d left on his trip. Wasn’t this a good indication that he wasn’t indispensable to her future happiness?

  Wondering if she would feel the same way if she hadn’t met Derek, Kennedy sat at the computer again and read what she had written. Aloud, she said,

  “Regardless of what happens, should I settle for a substitute when I might have a chance at the real thing?” Believing that God was guiding her thoughts and hands, without hesitation she wrote: The days we have been separated have opened my eyes to what I want in a marriage. During the past two years, our college work has brought us together quite often. What we thought was romance—on my part, at least—is only friendship. And while I would like to continue as your friend, I will not marry you. I believe you know me well enough to realize that I haven’t made this decision without praying about it, and that I won’t change my mind. You are a fine man, but marrying you won’t give me the sacrificial, fulfilling love I observed between my mother and father. I won’t settle for anything less, and I pray that you will understand.

  She read the message once more, hit Send, and leaned back in Derek’s chair, confident that she’d made the right decision. She wished she could be as convinced that Derek might someday think about sharing her future. But even if he didn’t, she wouldn’t marry Steve.

  Derek picked up Kennedy the next morning soon after Miranda left. Much to Wilson’s displeasure, Derek stopped at ranch headquarters and put him in the office so he couldn’t follow them. Wilson’s pitiful whines followed Derek as he got into the truck and headed northeast.

  “It’s a nice day to visit the cemetery,” he commented. He was pretty much attuned to Kennedy’s moods by now, and he was sure that something was disturbing her. She wasn’t watching the countryside with eager eyes as she usually did.

  “Did you have more trouble last night?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “No. Wilson didn’t bark, and I didn’t hear anything all night.”

  “Does that mean you didn’t sleep?” he persisted.

  “I didn’t sleep very well,” she admitted, and he noted the lines of worry between her brows.

  Derek hesitated to keep pressing her, but he sensed that she was bothered by something he should know about. “C’mon, tell Papa what’s wrong,” he needled her.

  She hesitated, “Oh, lots of things kept running through my mind, but while I was in your office yesterday, I looked at the ranch records and compared them to the e-mail from Mr. Talbot. Smith’s embezzlement was pretty shrewd, but it infuriates me that he treated my dad that way.”

  “How did he do it?”

  “He doubled his commissions. For instance, instead of taking his commission regularly, he deducted it at various times, and occasionally it would be paid twice in one quarter. There were other more subtle things that I didn’t understand.”

  “Your dad apparently didn’t catch on.”

  “Now that I look back on the past several years, I realize that Dad had been going downhill mentally as well as physically since Mother’s death. He hadn’t been as alert as he used to be, but it happened gradually, and I didn’t suspect how bad off he was. Or maybe I didn’t want to acknowledge the change in him. Smith took<
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  advantage of him.”

  “This certainly puts you in a predicament,” Derek sympathized. He stopped the truck and looked at her.

  “I know,” she said grimly. “Dad may have known and just let it pass. But I don’t intend to. More than the money, it’s the principle of the matter—that he would actually cheat my father! It’s only a matter of thirty thousand dollars or so, but if he owes me that money, I intend to get it.” He drew a deep breath, and she looked at him, a frown on her face.

  “Am I reminding you of my grandfather again?”

  “Something like that,” he said soberly. “But I was also thinking that thirty thousand dollars sounds like tons of money to me, which is another good indication of how much our lifestyles differ.”

  “Why do you keep talking about that?” Kennedy said angrily, her eyes blazing into his.

  Shrugging his shoulders, Derek answered, “I’m just stating a fact.” He took his foot off the brake and moved forward. “I’m glad your lawyer is going to confront Smith, but I’ll still go with you if you have to meet with him. I don’t want it to look like I took the money.”

  “Oh, it doesn’t,” Kennedy quickly assured him, her anger fading as quickly as it had appeared. “He juggled your figures and added some of his own, which altered the totals.” She directed a keen glance his way. “I just thought of something! Since your father kept all his books by hand, Smith was probably taking money then and it didn’t show up as easily. If you didn’t have everything computerized, it wouldn’t have been so easy to detect.”

  “Well, don’t worry anymore about it today,” Derek said soothingly. “You can’t do anything until Mr. Talbot gives the go-ahead.” Smiling, Kennedy said, “I’ll try not to. I feel better sharing my worries with you.”

  “I’m glad I’m some use to you,” he said, and she sliced another cross look in his direction in response.

  Kennedy noted that they were traveling in a different direction from the one they’d taken when he’d shown her around the ranch the first time. For a while they followed the meanderings of the Niobrara River and then turned due north. Derek pointed out the huge circular bales of hay covered with plastic that they had harvested recently. He readily answered any questions she asked about the ranch, although she realized that most of the things she didn’t know were rudimentary to him. At length they arrived at an area several acres in size that was surrounded by a wooden fence.

  “We’ll walk from here,” Derek commented. “Because some of this area still has the ruts of a trail that pioneers followed to the Black Hills, the fence keeps the livestock away. We’re trying to preserve everything as it was. I’ll show you some wagon wheel tracks in the clay that almost certainly were made by the immigrants.”

  For the next two hours they walked through the small acreage. Inside the gate was a mural showing the condition of the burial ground before protective barriers had been placed around the fourteen stone markers the pioneers had used to mark the graves.

  “It makes me feel very insignificant when I realize what these people went through to make a new start in life,” Kennedy said. “Even if they didn’t reach the goldfields, they died trying to live their dream rather than just accepting the status quo. I’m not sure I would have had the courage to try it. Would you have gone?” Kennedy asked Derek directly.

  “I haven’t thought about it,” Derek said slowly, “but as you know, I’m ambitious.” His brow wrinkled in thought before he continued, “But if I had lived in the East and couldn’t see any way of getting ahead and heard that gold was available in the West, I’d have risked a lot to go.” She nodded her head. “Yes, I believe you would have.”

  “Have you seen everything you want to?” Derek asked, as he knelt to pull weeds away from one of the markers.

  Kennedy nodded. “Yes, enough that I’ll do whatever I can to see that this area isn’t torn up by a bulldozer and a plant or some other modern building isn’t erected here.”

  Derek called her attention to a low range of hills on both sides of the cemetery. “The pioneers chose to go through valleys when they could. We can see the trail a lot better if we walk up a ways. If you’re up to the climb, we can go a little farther.”

  “I’d like that.”

  He went to the truck and fastened a knapsack on his back. “Follow me, but watch where you’re stepping. There are snakes around here.” Kennedy was panting by the time they reached the top of the knoll.

  “I’m sure a tenderfoot,” she mumbled.

  Derek gave her a hand during the last several feet, saying, “The altitude is higher here than what you have in California. It takes awhile for your lungs to adjust to it.”

  They sat in a grove of oak trees, and Derek opened the knapsack. “I don’t know what Mom prepared for us.” He spread a tablecloth on the grass and laid out roast beef sandwiches, sweet cherries, and chocolate cookies. June had put iced tea in the large thermos. They sat down shoulder to shoulder and leaned against a tree trunk while they ate.

  Kennedy looked several miles in both directions, and it was easy to make out the route of the westward-bound wagons. “And you’re sure I’m right in protecting this area for future generations?” she asked.

  “Yes, I am. Perhaps it seems foolish to tie up a whole ranch because a few people were buried here long ago. But it’s really more than that. The way technology is developing, we need to preserve our farms and ranches.”

  “I’ve been praying for wisdom to make the right decision,” Kennedy said quietly. “I don’t like to cause trouble in the family. If I make Robin happy by doing this, Smith and a lot of other relatives will probably be angry. He indicated to me that he and Robin fought when they were kids. From what I’ve heard about both the Blaines and the Morgans, I may have been fortunate to grow up without a family.”

  “Like me, huh?” She could tell by Derek’s tone that he wasn’t joking, and she was irritated at herself for touching a sore spot with him.

  “I didn’t mean to imply that.” she said softly.

  “I know you didn’t,” he replied apologetically. He held out his left arm and pulled her close. Kennedy settled against him, enjoying the feel of his arm around her. He kissed her hair, and she sighed contentedly.

  “I shouldn’t pick at you like that,” he apologized, “but I can’t stop thinking about you and how our worlds are so far apart.” She started to protest, but he kissed her softly and stifled the words. “Let me finish. You know that financially, in family background, and prestige I’m inferior to you.

  There’s nothing I can do to change that.”

  “You know that doesn’t matter to me,” she said quietly, lifting her hand to caress his cheek.

  “Now it doesn’t, but when you return to California, you’ll see that I’m right,” Derek said with finality. “No matter how much I’d like to think differently, I’m so far out of your world, I shouldn’t even be holding you like I am now. It isn’t just the money. I think I could deal with that, but I’m a nameless person from who knows what kind of background. If I had any backbone, I’d stay away from you.”

  “Have you ever tried to trace your ancestry?” she asked. “With all of the Internet research today, most people can find out about their background.”

  “Have you ever tried to trace your ancestry?” she asked. “With all of the Internet research today, most people can find out about their background.” She felt his head shake against her hair. “I’ve never tried, and I won’t. I’m afraid to find out. I’d feel even worse than I do now to learn that I came from a family of criminals—and considering the area of Chicago I was found in, it’s a possibility.” Kennedy pulled away slightly and looked up into his eyes. “I don’t believe that for a minute. I realize that June and your father had a lot to do with the way you’ve turned out, but heredity determines character, too. I’ll check it out if you want me to. And if I find anything shameful, I won’t tell you.” After deliberating for a moment, he said, “I’d rather you did
n’t. I’ve lived this long without knowing, so there’s no point in finding out now.” She let the subject drop without saying anything else. She didn’t want to be committed in case she decided to disregard his wishes and search for his roots.

  Kennedy knew how she felt about him, but she feared there was nothing she could do or say to change Derek’s mind, so she would take what he was willing to give. Today she was content to relax in his arms and leave the future to God.

  When they returned to the truck, they found a flat tire. Daylight was fading by the time Derek had changed it.

  “I hadn’t expected to be this late,” Derek said, as he replaced the tools he’d used and threw the punctured tire into the truck bed. “Mom will probably be worried about us. I’d call her, but there’s no satellite service in this section.”

  “She knows you can take care of yourself and me,” Kennedy assured him.

  “That’s true,” he admitted, “but I don’t cause her any worry if I can help it.”

  “I’m sure you’ve never worried her,” Kennedy said with confidence.

  “Yes, I have,” Derek said grimly, as he helped her into the truck cab. “But that’s a part of my life I hope you’ll never know about.” This wasn’t the first time Derek had referred to his past with shame, and Kennedy tried to imagine what he could have done that was so terrible that he didn’t want her to know about it. He’d been a teenager when his family had moved to Valentine, so what could have happened in his early years to distress him now?

  Several miles from ranch headquarters, darkness overtook them while they were still driving across the rangeland. Before they came to the road that connected the various sections of the ranch, Kennedy had started to worry. Although she had confidence in Derek’s abilities, she was somewhat apprehensive about whether they might get lost, for the unending grasslands all looked the same to her.

  But soon they reached a stretch of land she recognized, and she knew they were only a few miles from home. There was something she wanted to tell Derek before the day ended, and she knew she had to speak soon.